I was walking down the street yesterday, minding my own business when a man walked up to me and asked me a question.
“Excuse me,” he said. “Have you ever seen a million dollar bill?”
“Yes” I told him.
“You have?” He was obviously surprised by the answer.
“Yeah. Some guy in a bar gave me one once. Said it was a great way to impress strippers.”
“Oh, haha,” he blushed a little. “This may be a different bill. It has a million dollar question on the back.”
He handed me the fake currency, but before I had a chance to read the question he continued.
“Let me ask you something. Have you ever thought about what happens to us when we die?”
“No, not really.”
“Really? You haven’t?”
“What are you getting at man?” I was starting to get uncomfortable. People with counterfeit bills always make me uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure if he was one of those second amendment nuts, libertarian nuts or just a plain old Jesus freak.
“You haven’t ever though about heaven or hell?”
“Not much.” So he was a Jesus freak.
“Well let me ask you: Are you a good person?”
This was more than I could take. This kind of thing happens to me all the time. I must have one of those faces. I’ll just be walking somewhere: out for some milk or a coffee or maybe just having a stroll, and people come at me asking if I’m a christian or if I’ve heard the good news.
It wouldn’t be that big of a deal but an affirmative answer doesn’t make them go away. They aren’t satisfied with me saying I’m a Lutheran and have to spend as much time as I’ll give them telling me why I’m a little shit and I need to do… well, I’ve never let them get that far. To tell the truth I’m not quite sure what they’re after. I just know that they’re really annoying.
Quite frankly I was getting sick of it so I decided to take it up with management.
“What is it you want from me?” I asked looking straight up to the clouds.
“Well, I just want to…”
“No you, minion. Him.” I pointed at the sky. “If you’re trying to tell me something why don’t you send the message through a stripper? Or at least a girl with big jugs?”
I continued walking down the street.
“Oh, lust huh? Well, if you didn’t want lust why did you make boobs? I mean, I’d think that someone as great and powerful as you could think of a better way to drink milk. Like, maybe a cup?”
Now the would-be evangelist was just staring at me as I walked away. I’m not sure what he was thinking.
“Well you’re always sending these people after me…What? You’re not the one sending them?” I gave the forger a worried look. “If you’re not sending them who is? Oh, I hadn’t thought about him
“Why should I worry about heaven? What’s wrong with doing good just for the sake of doing good? Is that so bad?
“Piss off. I know I’m a sinner. That’s what you sent Jesus here for…”
At least that one wont bother me again.
New International Version (NIV)
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”